the stake

Ever since i've made the covenant with God, i was repeatedly challenged by how is it going to happen. I'm torn between putting my whole faith in God and submitting to the fate of reality.

I am challenged by the "dark side of me" daily, hour by hour, to submit to the fate that it will never happen. 3 months? I'm doubtful of it even if it is 3 years!!!

Nevertheless, i was prompted by the "God side of me" that God knew what He was doing when He let Ps Cesar made the call for the covenant. "God knows the desires of each and everyone of those who came forward for the covenant, and He is going to make all these happen, in 3 months time", "God will always honour His covenant, it's in the bible. Even when we are faithless, God remains faithful". Some more, i didnt initiate the covenant, God did! And He even promise it to happen in 3 months time! I went forward, just hoping that God will somehow, someday make it happen, probably after a long time, but i was totally surprised when Ps Cesar said it will happen in 3 months time. I even tried to "help" God by saying that I will deem the covenant to be fulfilled if something close to it shld happen or if there's some other alternatives. But God says no!! The exact thing i had asked for will be given to me, as in the covenant.

I had fulfilled my part of the covenant. And i'm working towards making myself ready when the covenant is fulfilled. It's really difficult, and i was challenged daily by doubts from the devil and my lust of the flesh. It's only the 2nd day, and i'd already succumbed to it. But i know that i am not perfect, and i applied the blood of Jesus over myself. I let it take away the guilt of not able to keep myself pure, i put everything onto the cross. I know the grace of God is sufficient for me, but i will not take it for granted. I am working towards dying to myself daily on the cross. And i know that even when i am faithless, God will be faithful.

To let the "dark side of me" to be in peace of totally submitting myself to the covenant, i want to stake my whole life into the covenant. If the covenant is not fulfilled in 3 mths time, then let me die. But when the covenant is fulfilled, i will never be able to doubt God ever again. This is the greatest thing that God can do for me. If He can do this for me, He can do everything. Never again will i be able to fall once again, and let me rise up to the position that God wants me to be in. Amen